Problem: Controlling Lover

The recipient of control in a love relationship is the usual focus of this problem. Losing your freedom because your lover is too suspicious is a common problem. The most common symptom is your lover going through your cell phone log. Who did you call and when? In many cases the suspiciousness is justified. Nevertheless, the experience sucks. Why? Simply put, because control does not work in a love relationship. If you are the person trying to control, lets face it you're miserable. Deeper in, the control you are trying to have is coming from insecurity and low self-esteem. You figure there is no way your lover will love you without being forced to. Its not a good position to be in. Its really a problem of trust and/or a tolerance for leaving. Being in a relationship with someone you have to stalk to keep is not worth the effort. Putting your energy into finding someone who can be loyal is a better option. In fact, I can't tell you how many people I have met who look for and find uncooperative hard to commit partners because subconsciously they need to recreate this struggle: making someone love them the right way. I say, become conscious of this as soon as possible and break out by cutting out the control and seeing what happens to the relationship. If it goes down hill you've saved yourself some time and effort, you can grieve the loss, and move on to greener pastures. If it improves you are onto something new.