Dr. Jordan's Blog

Creating Your Own Love-Life 101

So much of the world distracts us that most people forget or worse never remember how powerful their consciousness actually is. It might have passed before your eyes a million times in a million different guises...what you expect is what you get. Let's consider this a law. So if you don't pay critical attention to what you believe there is a good chance that something else other than you personal choice will be driving your life.

Apply this to your love-life. Are there beliefs in the way of getting what you truly want and need? Life can be full of spontaneity and surprise. If you are afraid, you will trance yourself into believing this is not so. Once you get your love-life into predictable patterns that feel controllable and safe, you know that life is draining out of your LOVE-life. Do something different.

What is wrong with our love-lives??

Common knowledge...ourselves, people we know, just about everyone is going through somekind of love-life struggle. Love can be hard to find, difficult to keep, hard to let go of, or even difficult to stay away from if the time isn't right.

Now more than half of marriages end up in divorce. What does that mean? Maybe it means people are still not taking their time before they commit with conviction and decide to stay in it no matter what. Of course there are people who avoid committment because it would expose their difficulty with close intimate relations. Some people prefer sex over love. Or even try to substitute sex for love as if that could ever be. Sex is physical, love is emotional, period.

Love is about giving to another person devoid of as much self-interest as humanly possible. When the focus is on needs, it is difficult if not imossible for most humans to keep love in mind. The preoccupation becomes getting whatever need exists gratified. Unfortunately, some people aren't very nice about it either. They hurt others unnecessarily in order to get what they think they need. Here's a surprise....no one gets to do anything over, not really, especially childhood and adolescence. Plenty of the hope that shows up in a love relationship is devoted to fixing what went wrong years ago. Like not enough love in one form or another. If I can only get my partner to be my part-time better parent. Heal those old disappointments. Sorry.

The only real hope we all have is to outgrow that need to fix the past and realize that the best we can do is heal the past and find adulthood love in the present. Ah yes....adulthood love. That is, a relationship that is equal, mutual, and freely chosen. Forget that control business. Control is not loving. This is really a pretty optimistic view of love. Despite the sadness that comes when we realize we can't go back in time, to have the option of healing by letting go of what we cannot change and making the best out of what we have (in ourselves and with another), is a gift. Then you become a lover, scarred yes, but giving more than needing.